I have a strong personality. I also have strong opinions about some stuff and am not shy about sharing those opinions in certain circles(I try not to do that here since my job dealing with the audience is to entertain through my stories rather than piss off half of my potential fanbase by talking politics or religion). That said, I've been known to come into conflicts with others, and it that has alienated a few folks I once considered friends.
One of my writing mentors and I got into it a while back, and he hasn't spoken to me since. Our argument was nothing new - we usually sparred back and forth over issues of the day, and jabbing each other was part of our relationship. However, in today's toxic political climate, people get heated over what they perceive as personal attacks since everything political now seems personal. This writer likes to think of himself as a "deep" thinker, broody and moody and able to give snarky insight on everything. So when he and I got into it on an issue, he went his usual snarky route...and I countered. I've often said that when someone gets condescending or belittling, I promise I can be a bigger prick than anyone. So I decided to give back as good, if not better, than what I got. And he couldn't handle it.
His position seemed to be that not only was his opinion correct, but no one with a moral character could possibly disagree with him. Oh, and he was allowed to get sarcastic, but best him in it, and he'd take his ball and go home. When he made a social media post that he later admitted he wrote with me in mind, I told him it was nice to know I was living rent-free in his head...and then I proceeded to list, point by point, just how wrong I thought he was on the issue. Also, I couldn't put him as a character in any of my novels since he comes off as such a cliché that no one would believe he was real or had any depth beyond an internet forum.
That was all it took. He claimed that my "fuse" with him was two years long and that I'd finally crossed the line. In reality, he wants to lord his opinion over others and gets all butt-hurt when folks are at least as snarky in return and don't tremble before him. He wants to live in an echo chamber where everyone occasionally mumbles how smart he is, with the few dissenting opinions properly cowed when he gets on his moral soapbox. So he blocked me and we haven't spoken since.
The thing is that I still like most of his writing. I have a few of his books on my shelf, and I go to them when I need a laugh(yes, they're humor books - I'm not being a total jerk and just laughing at him). Also, I will forever treasure the advice he gave a newbie like myself when I first started out and was trying to feel my way into this business. He has a kind heart that I think gets overcome by his passion, which may be a great thing to have as a writer, but not so much if you want to expand beyond your inner circle. He continues to write, and I truly do wish him the best in it. However, I'm not going to beg to be anyone's friend.
So why did I write this? Not really sure. Maybe just to get it off my chest. Maybe to let everyone who reads this blog - both of you - know that we all come into conflict with others at times, even those who were once mentors. No life is free of conflict, and even writers, or maybe especially writers, who have strong personalities will clash. At the very least, understand that such clashing does not diminish who you are, and you shouldn't prostrate yourself before anyone just because you admire their work. People are people, and those people don't always play well together.
One of my writing mentors and I got into it a while back, and he hasn't spoken to me since. Our argument was nothing new - we usually sparred back and forth over issues of the day, and jabbing each other was part of our relationship. However, in today's toxic political climate, people get heated over what they perceive as personal attacks since everything political now seems personal. This writer likes to think of himself as a "deep" thinker, broody and moody and able to give snarky insight on everything. So when he and I got into it on an issue, he went his usual snarky route...and I countered. I've often said that when someone gets condescending or belittling, I promise I can be a bigger prick than anyone. So I decided to give back as good, if not better, than what I got. And he couldn't handle it.
His position seemed to be that not only was his opinion correct, but no one with a moral character could possibly disagree with him. Oh, and he was allowed to get sarcastic, but best him in it, and he'd take his ball and go home. When he made a social media post that he later admitted he wrote with me in mind, I told him it was nice to know I was living rent-free in his head...and then I proceeded to list, point by point, just how wrong I thought he was on the issue. Also, I couldn't put him as a character in any of my novels since he comes off as such a cliché that no one would believe he was real or had any depth beyond an internet forum.
That was all it took. He claimed that my "fuse" with him was two years long and that I'd finally crossed the line. In reality, he wants to lord his opinion over others and gets all butt-hurt when folks are at least as snarky in return and don't tremble before him. He wants to live in an echo chamber where everyone occasionally mumbles how smart he is, with the few dissenting opinions properly cowed when he gets on his moral soapbox. So he blocked me and we haven't spoken since.
The thing is that I still like most of his writing. I have a few of his books on my shelf, and I go to them when I need a laugh(yes, they're humor books - I'm not being a total jerk and just laughing at him). Also, I will forever treasure the advice he gave a newbie like myself when I first started out and was trying to feel my way into this business. He has a kind heart that I think gets overcome by his passion, which may be a great thing to have as a writer, but not so much if you want to expand beyond your inner circle. He continues to write, and I truly do wish him the best in it. However, I'm not going to beg to be anyone's friend.
So why did I write this? Not really sure. Maybe just to get it off my chest. Maybe to let everyone who reads this blog - both of you - know that we all come into conflict with others at times, even those who were once mentors. No life is free of conflict, and even writers, or maybe especially writers, who have strong personalities will clash. At the very least, understand that such clashing does not diminish who you are, and you shouldn't prostrate yourself before anyone just because you admire their work. People are people, and those people don't always play well together.
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