I think I’ve said in the past that science fiction tends to
be either awesome or horrible – there is very little in between. Unfortunately, the horrible tends to
outnumber the awesome. For every TheEmpire Strikes Back, we get three or four Battlefield Earths. That’s why it’s easier to put together a list
of terrible sci-fi movies than to put together a list of great sci-fi
movies. Maybe one day I’ll give that
other thing a try, but for the moment, let’s look at the worst science-fiction
movies of all time(in my opinion).
1. BattlefieldEarth – this one set the standard for horrible science
fiction. Basically a Scientology advert
in movie form, this monstrosity’s terribleness depended on who watched it. Having read the book when I was 19, I
understood that whoever made this movie not only read, but loved the
book. There was far too much content and
context taken for granted, and the over-the-top acting by John Travolta made me
wince. The concept – Earth overrun,
humanity on the verge of extinction, clawing back against an arrogant alien
race – all had potential. Unfortunately,
the movie had all of the arrogance of the Psychlos and none of the humility of
Johnny Goodboy Tyler.
2. Star
Wars: The Last Jedi – I’ve detailed this one previously. Not only is it one of the most convoluted,
hammy movies of all time, but piling it into the Star Wars saga makes a bad
movie truly atrocious. From casting off
fan favorites(Admiral Ackbar was just a throwaway) to turning our beloved Luke
Skywalker into an asshole to trying to make so many uber-woke statements as
possible(did we really need an animal rights narrative in this thing?), I was
actually pissed off leaving the theater.
I don’t particularly care for The Force Awakens(I think it’s
essentially a remake of A New Hope), but I’ve still seen it several
times, if out of nostalgia than anything else.
I’ve seen The Last Jedi exactly once, and I promise I’ll never
watch that horror-show of my own volition ever again.
3. WingCommander – Talk about a disappointment. The Wing Commander books are among some of
the most riveting science fiction out there.
Humanity, outgunned and outclassed in straight up fights against the
Kilrathi, finds a way to use its cunning to make it a great fight, even while
trying to keep the enemy from irradiating our worlds. Sounds like a great movie, right? WRONG!
It took an action movie and turned it into some perverse love story(like
a commander several grades above her subordinate is going to be so submissive)
with terrible special effects and overwrought plot points about bigotry. I came within a hair’s breadth of walking out
of this one, and cheap as I am, that’s saying something.
4. Final
Fantasy VII: The Spirits Within – Speaking of walking out,
this is one of the half dozen movies I actually have walked out of. One of the top three worst movies of all
time, it was a Gaia worshiping bunch of new age bullshit. I couldn’t have made a movie so cliched if
I’d wanted to. From how evil the
military was(you know…just because the military must be evil or something) to
the lone scientist finding out how it’s all about Mother Earth interconnecting
all of us, I couldn’t make it through this abomination. When a sci-fi fan goes to Hell, this movie is
on a loop for all of eternity.
5. StarTrek V: The Final Frontier – Let’s face it, the first
Star Trek movie was pretty terrible.
However, the series found its legs with The Wrath of Khan. Star Trek 3 was so-so, but number four gave
us all a light-hearted laugh. Yet for
some reason, the producers thought they could slap Star Trek onto any piece of
claptrap and it’d be a winner. Uh, not
so much. Plot points that makes no
sense, a villain who isn’t a villain, random Klingons(you know…just because),
and a trip to the center of the galaxy(that has never been repeated and seems
to fly in the face of all space exploration in Star Trek up to now) make for
one of the worst Star Trek movies. I
found myself hoping the Enterprise would blow up again, this time from
stupidity.
6. StarTrek Nemesis – Going back to claptrap stupidity, Star
Trek Nemesis was the worst of The Next Generation movies, and that’s quite
an accomplishment given Generations and Insurrection. It was the first time I saw Tom Hardy,
proving that a decent enough actor can overcome bad movies. Hardy plays a cloned version of Jean Luc
Picard, and then promptly proceeds to emasculate the Romulan Empire with a
kiddy-clown version of Data and a space battle so unrealistic I’m surprised he
didn’t shoot flying monkeys from the cannons.
It’s the only Star Trek movie I’ve only seen once and will not watch a
second time. Just awful.
7. TheMatrix 3: Revolutions – The Matrix movies had such
potential. The first one was
awesome. It made us think, and the
special effects were groundbreaking.
Even The Matrix 2: Reloaded had some decent parts, with us
wondering whether or not Neo being able to affect “the real world” meant that
the real world as we knew it was possibly just another part of the Matrix. But Revolutions was so over the top
that it lacked depth. Agent Smith’s
maniacal laugh as he absorbed the Oracle made me wonder if I was watching an
old 1950s Flash Gordon movie. The story,
rather than having substance, seemed made solely to showcase special
effects. Special effects are great, but
they should enhance rather than be the story…something a lot of sci-fi movies
miss.
8. Terminator:Dark Fate – Let’s face facts that no Terminator movie
has been good since Terminator 2.
This one flipped the entire story on its head by killing John Connor at
the very beginning and going into woke territory by pushing someone we’ve never
heard of before as the new savior.
Sorry, but if “next man up” is a thing in the Terminator universe, then
why the hell was it so important to save Sarah Connor in the first place? And you can’t just slap a machine gun onto
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s chest, give him a cheesy line or two, and think that
makes it a good movie people will pay for.
Like most uber-woke things out of Hollywood, it destroyed the original
storyline to make people who wear ribbons in Hollywood feel better about
themselves. Fans like new and exciting,
but they tend to get pissed when you shit all over their favorites.
And that’s my list for now.
I know I’ve probably left off some bad movies, so let me know what you’d
have included.