Sunday, April 26, 2020

Glass Eyes


I know the picture of me on this blog shows a bright, smiling face, free of imperfections.  Unfortunately, that is something of a misimpression.  You see, back in 2014, I finally broke down…and got reading glasses.

I’ve prided myself on my vision for a very long time.  And at distance, I’m still pretty sharp.  However, I discovered over time that I was pushing books further and further from me in order to be able to read the words in front of me.  I probably needed to get reading glasses at least a year before I finally broke down and got them, but there was(and still is) a pride issue.

I have several sets of these damn things, some more stylish than others.  For starters, the Army, from where I retired last year, gave me two pair a year.  One could be “nice,” while the other were what we referred to as BCGs(Birth Control Glasses, because they were so hideous no one looked attractive in them).  But hey, I’m cheap, so I grabbed what I could.  I’ve also bough two additional pair from WalMart(again, because I’m cheap and they work).  So why so many?

Honestly, because I’m forgetful.  Since I don’t need them all the time, I don’t usually carry them around with me.  That was fine for a bit, until we started going to restaurants and I could barely read the menu.  So I put a pair in both my and my wife’s car.  I put a pair by my bed.  I put a pair in the kitchen.  I put a pair in my office.  Basically, anywhere I thought I might need them, I stashed some.

It’s still frustrating to need to read something and have to put these things on, but it’s nigh impossible to read anything any longer up close without them.  What’s worse, while I can occasionally read something early in the morning as I get out of bed, after wearing glasses throughout the day, my vision is so whackadoodle that I’m unable to read anything without glasses unless I take a hiatus that lasts hours.  And since they screw up my distance vision, I can only wear them in spurts, like when I’m up close to the computer or a book.  What I need are Geordi LaForge eyes that can automatically adjust when necessary.

I still love to read, which is why I’ve acquiesced, but let’s just all agree that getting old sucks.

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