I recently entered both Salvation Day and Wrongful Death into a writing contest, and although neither one won, I at least got some encouraging feedback(some I agreed with, and some I didn't).
For Salvation Day:
Salvation Day mixes science fiction and Christianity together to create a novel that provides some shocking moments and ultimately reestablishes a fairly traditional, and hopeful, Christian worldview. The novel starts by pulling the reader into the character’s emotional state right away, which is handled deftly, establishing recent events in Mike’s life and really making the reader feel the emotion instead of just know what his emotion is. However, after the strong opening, the set-up leading to the main story takes far too long. It’s not clear to readers why they should be interested in Mike’s work when they’re waiting for something to happen. Instead of going on about Mike at work and his relationships with the other workers, the author could have conveyed all this fairly quickly over a couple of pages that time was passing, and key events in their could have been included in passing as well—because those events are still not really the story. There are also some typos cropping up here and there from the beginning, which is off-putting for a new reader. The first time something out of the ordinary (in a sci-fi sense) happens is the demonic transformation of Reverend Walsh, but this was not as effective or engaging as it could have been. Instead of describing what’s going on and using evocative imagery, the transformation is mostly conveyed through Mike’s thoughts. And instead of simply including the thoughts, it would have been interesting to see Mike reacting to what he thinks he’s seeing; as it is, he only reacts to the normal conversation that’s going on at the same time. Still, the thought behind this novel should be moving for some readers, and once things got moving it was an interesting book to read.
For Wrongful Death:
Wrongful Death presents with simple yet effective cover art design. The over-all production quality of the book is good—no real issues there. As to the plot and story appeal, the novel opens strong and really grips you from the get go. I enjoyed the story very much and really felt a connection to Christian. The author did a nice job with character development and interwoven plot points. Having a character suffer teenage trauma such as this will be something that your young readers can really absorb and learn from. I love the way you put your special twists and turns in the book—surprises for the reader don’t let up! This book is a solid thriller. Not totally unique, but a great effort and I enjoyed it very much. Your voice and writing style is perfectly suited for the genre. On the technical editing side, keep an eye out for overused punctuation (exclamation points), and incorrect use of dialogue tags. For instance, you can’t chuckle words. You can say words and then chuckle—but it is incorrect as a dialogue tag. Just a really strong entry. Thank you for sharing your world with us and best of luck with your writing endeavors.
Obviously I wish both commentaries had been universally positive(or that one of them had won), but it's nice to know I'm not a complete hack.
For Salvation Day:
Salvation Day mixes science fiction and Christianity together to create a novel that provides some shocking moments and ultimately reestablishes a fairly traditional, and hopeful, Christian worldview. The novel starts by pulling the reader into the character’s emotional state right away, which is handled deftly, establishing recent events in Mike’s life and really making the reader feel the emotion instead of just know what his emotion is. However, after the strong opening, the set-up leading to the main story takes far too long. It’s not clear to readers why they should be interested in Mike’s work when they’re waiting for something to happen. Instead of going on about Mike at work and his relationships with the other workers, the author could have conveyed all this fairly quickly over a couple of pages that time was passing, and key events in their could have been included in passing as well—because those events are still not really the story. There are also some typos cropping up here and there from the beginning, which is off-putting for a new reader. The first time something out of the ordinary (in a sci-fi sense) happens is the demonic transformation of Reverend Walsh, but this was not as effective or engaging as it could have been. Instead of describing what’s going on and using evocative imagery, the transformation is mostly conveyed through Mike’s thoughts. And instead of simply including the thoughts, it would have been interesting to see Mike reacting to what he thinks he’s seeing; as it is, he only reacts to the normal conversation that’s going on at the same time. Still, the thought behind this novel should be moving for some readers, and once things got moving it was an interesting book to read.
For Wrongful Death:
Wrongful Death presents with simple yet effective cover art design. The over-all production quality of the book is good—no real issues there. As to the plot and story appeal, the novel opens strong and really grips you from the get go. I enjoyed the story very much and really felt a connection to Christian. The author did a nice job with character development and interwoven plot points. Having a character suffer teenage trauma such as this will be something that your young readers can really absorb and learn from. I love the way you put your special twists and turns in the book—surprises for the reader don’t let up! This book is a solid thriller. Not totally unique, but a great effort and I enjoyed it very much. Your voice and writing style is perfectly suited for the genre. On the technical editing side, keep an eye out for overused punctuation (exclamation points), and incorrect use of dialogue tags. For instance, you can’t chuckle words. You can say words and then chuckle—but it is incorrect as a dialogue tag. Just a really strong entry. Thank you for sharing your world with us and best of luck with your writing endeavors.
Obviously I wish both commentaries had been universally positive(or that one of them had won), but it's nice to know I'm not a complete hack.
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