I found her in a ditch. Her hair was raddy and her skin pale, but none of that stopped me from rushing to her side. I felt her pulse, and it was faint. Her skin was cold and clammy, and my heart sank at her prospects for survival.
Fearing anything above a whisper would cause any remaining life to flitter away, I breathed, "Are you still with me?"
Much to my surprise, her eyes opened, if only just. She favored me with a weak smile before saying, "So long as you search for me, I can never truly die."
I knew the truth of those words, but a sense of shame washed over me. Had I searched recently? You know, really searched? My Muse had been missing for months, and most days I barely noticed. There were other things to tend to, and the less I looked, the less I noticed her absence. She used to be a constant presence in my life, but she'd lately been little more than an afterthought. As such, it was hard to blame her for leaving.
Scooping her up, I gently cradled her head before stumbling home. Only the occasional twitch said I was carrying more than a sack of potatoes. Guilt came anew to me as I made my way upstairs and laid her on the bed.
"You found me," she rasped. "Now I can grow strong again."
"Shh, don't talk, You need your rest."
"Rest is something I've had too much of, and it nearly killed me. I need to get back to work so I can get revitalized."
"In the morning," I assured her.
"Okay then," she replied. "I'll just close my eyes for a bit."
She placed her hands on her chest and shut her eyes, but none of that was comforting. Her breath still came in short, shallow bursts, and her eyes appeared sunken, My neglect was readily apparent, and I wanted to hang my head.
I wanted to, but I didn't. I had a child to feed and a proposal for work to get to. I could pay her more attention tomorrow, but there were other tasks to get to before then. A little longer, and I could give my Muse my full attention. At that point, she'd pop back up with the vigor she'd always had.
Wouldn't she?
Fearing anything above a whisper would cause any remaining life to flitter away, I breathed, "Are you still with me?"
Much to my surprise, her eyes opened, if only just. She favored me with a weak smile before saying, "So long as you search for me, I can never truly die."
I knew the truth of those words, but a sense of shame washed over me. Had I searched recently? You know, really searched? My Muse had been missing for months, and most days I barely noticed. There were other things to tend to, and the less I looked, the less I noticed her absence. She used to be a constant presence in my life, but she'd lately been little more than an afterthought. As such, it was hard to blame her for leaving.
Scooping her up, I gently cradled her head before stumbling home. Only the occasional twitch said I was carrying more than a sack of potatoes. Guilt came anew to me as I made my way upstairs and laid her on the bed.
"You found me," she rasped. "Now I can grow strong again."
"Shh, don't talk, You need your rest."
"Rest is something I've had too much of, and it nearly killed me. I need to get back to work so I can get revitalized."
"In the morning," I assured her.
"Okay then," she replied. "I'll just close my eyes for a bit."
She placed her hands on her chest and shut her eyes, but none of that was comforting. Her breath still came in short, shallow bursts, and her eyes appeared sunken, My neglect was readily apparent, and I wanted to hang my head.
I wanted to, but I didn't. I had a child to feed and a proposal for work to get to. I could pay her more attention tomorrow, but there were other tasks to get to before then. A little longer, and I could give my Muse my full attention. At that point, she'd pop back up with the vigor she'd always had.
Wouldn't she?
Oh boy I know how this is. It's something I struggle with too - and sometimes I just feel the burden of everything (late afternoon is when it's the worst) and I just lose a creative surge I had early in the day. Here's hoping our muse never leaves us!
ReplyDeleteI think our challenge is to find a way to make her stronger, but that requires a great deal of attention, especially at the beginning after we've neglected her for so long. If I could do this more full time, it'd be easier, but I have to do more with the Muse to make that fantasy a reality one day. ;-)
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