Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Horrible At English

I was helping my 11-year old daughter the other night with her grammar homework, and it occurred to me just how much I suck at the language.  Yes, I can write a moving phrase and come up with a sharp turn of words, but when it comes to standard English, I'm lost.

She was working her way through a book called Grammarly(which, ironically, I was about to spell wrong until I looked it up), and she asked for my help.  I puffed up my overly self-important chest, sauntered over, and found I was of next to no use.  She was supposed to find the prepositional phrase in the problem sentences, and I had to look up what a prepositional phrase was.  I also had to look up how to find the direct object and indirect object.

Suddenly, all of my nightmares from 9th grade English(or Language Arts, as it was called back in my last year of junior high) came roaring back to me.  I have to now admit that I, RD Meyer, published author and winner of several writing contests, routinely failed these kinds of tests.  And I don't just mean failed - I mean spectacularly failed.  I was getting 40s and 35s on tests that asked the stuff my daughter's 6th grade class is now going over.

Truth be told, while I can write pretty well, I don't always follow the standard rules of English(I know, I know...big surprise).  I don't even know what all of them are.  Instead, I write the way I speak and read.  I may unwittingly use pieces and parts correctly, but I'll be damned if I could point out the nuances to you.

This all makes me wonder just how useful knowing such minute details are.  No, I'm not blowing off education, but unless you teach the language or are an editor, when was the last time you really gave a shit what a prepositional phrase was?  Or a dangling participle?  Once you left school, did most of that knowledge just fly right out of your head?

I wish I cared more.  I really do.  I wish others could think of me as some kind of language guru, but it doesn't interest me very much.  I want to spell words correctly and be able to write a sentence so that the reader doesn't want to pull his or her eyeballs from the sockets each time my work comes up.  However, the specifics of each rule?  Sorry, but I'm just not that exacting.  I wonder how many of my fellow writers are...or if I'm in the minority when it comes to the give-a-shit factor.

2 comments:

  1. I know what you mean! In terms of writing that first (or second...or ahem...third) draft, grammar use is last on my list of concerns. I feel like I'll care when I'm polishing things up. Hehe.

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